As a grandparent, you play a significant role in your grandchildren’s lives.
You’ll want to lead by example, helping to teach them valuable life lessons, guiding them as they navigate moral dilemmas, and being on hand for summer holiday sleepovers and day trips. You might even want to pass on family stories and traditions.
Having raised children before, it can be difficult to balance your tried and tested experience with your own children’s approach to parenting.
But some things never change, and being a good role model to your grandchildren could be as simple as mastering these seven simple steps.
1. Lead by example by modelling kindness and compassion
You’ll want your grandchildren to be successful. In the modern world of cutthroat business, success probably means a well-paid job and a big house, but it doesn’t always mean playing nice or having impeccable manners.
But kindness and compassion are a vital part of a fully functioning society. Thankfully, you’re on hand to model how far good manners and a little empathy can take you.
It doesn’t matter how you display this kindness and compassion – hold a door open, thank a waiter, buy a Big Issue – just be sure your grandchildren understand that respect and consideration for others matter.
2. Always encourage curiosity and an eagerness to learn
The “why?” stage of childhood can be taxing, as you’ll well remember from the first time around.
But curiosity about the world is vital if your grandchildren are going to grow up to be questioning and actively engaged in the world.
Asking “why?” is how we learn. It’s how we develop opinions and criticality and understand when the actions of those around us are morally wrong.
Read to your grandchildren, answer their questions, share your accumulated life knowledge. Passing on knowledge doesn’t require a master’s degree or a doctorate. Share your skills and wisdom, and then challenge your grandchildren to go further, questioning and seeking out new knowledge off their backs and on their own terms.
3. Model active listening
While it’s important to pass on knowledge, it’s also vital to know when to step back and listen without judgment or unsolicited advice, both of which can feel undermining.
You want your grandchildren to know their opinion matters and that means listening patiently and with an open mind. Your grandchild will know their thoughts are valued, that they are heard, and that their beliefs are respected. This, in turn, should encourage them to build and grow as communicators.
Engaging in frank and robust discussions with plenty of space for active listening will model effective communication.
4. Be present, physically and emotionally
Being there doesn’t mean abandoning your carefully laid plans to say “yes” to every last-minute babysitting request. But it does mean setting time aside to spend quality time with your grandchildren.
You might develop a weekend routine of gardening together or have a book that you alone read to them. Maybe they have a regular hobby that you can drive them to, putting this time aside each week just for you.
As you’re modelling kindness and compassion, and strong communication, be sure to direct your kindness at your grandchildren, too. Congratulate them on their successes, encourage their efforts, and help to build their self-confidence through affirmation.
Your grandchildren look up to you, so your kind words and approval matter.
5. Remember that it’s your children who are in charge
It’s vital to remember that it’s your grandchildren’s mum and dad who have the final word, and what they say goes. This is especially important if you disagree – whether with your children’s methods or the decisions they arrive at.
Support your own children through how you show them kindness and compassion. And listen actively when they explain their reasoning to you – if they choose to.
Your children are doing their best, and they’re doing what they believe is right for their children, so provide them with unconditional support and encouragement.
This show of respect can strengthen the whole family bond.
6. Be sure never to undermine your grandchildren’s parents or their decisions
Particularly, be sure to never criticise your children’s choices – directly or indirectly, and whether to grandchildren or even to your partner – within earshot of your grandchildren.
And as much as you might be tempted, try not to bend the rules your children have put in place.
An extra snack or a later bedtime might feel like a small thing, but it can place your grandchildren in the middle of a tricky situation if a disagreement arises.
You’ll also be inadvertently modelling dishonesty and teaching your grandchildren that keeping things from their parents is ok, which is a slippery road.
7. Share family stories, recipes, and traditions to keep them alive
You’re the gatekeeper of a shared family history, so pass everything you know down the line. Family stories, recipes, or traditions need to be kept alive, and that’s done through the telling.
Not only does this keep traditions going into the next generation and beyond, but it also helps your grandchildren to feel a sense of identity, as part of a wider whole, bigger than themselves.
