At some point in your life, you’ve been asked to a party you didn’t want to attend. Or invited to a show you didn’t want to see. It’s probably happened hundreds of times.
How often did you tell the truth and simply say “no”?
As human beings, we crave acceptance and want to be liked. That usually means pleasing other people, often at the expense of our own happiness.
Being selfish, though, can have huge benefits for our mental health and relationships.
Keep reading to find out why.
Saying “no” can help you to embrace the things you really want to do
You might be leading a busy life with a packed social calendar. Likewise, you might enjoy your own company, choosing to be picky about the pursuits you undertake and the events you sign up for.
Either way, when an invitation arrives, you reserve the right to categorically decline. Not only can you say “no”, but you can do so without any obligation to explain why.
Next time you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do, try it.
Not only can saying “no” be incredibly empowering, but it can also leave you more time to do the things you really want to do.
That might mean making time for self-care. Meditation and mindfulness can be hugely beneficial. As can focusing on maintaining a balanced diet and a routine of exercise. But looking after your physical and mental wellbeing can be as simple as doing the things that make you happy.
Permit yourself to relax in the bath with a book, go shopping, or take a solo hike to a much-loved pub.
Say “no” and then use the time to prioritise your own wants and needs.
Being honest about your interests can help to build more meaningful relationships
You know what excites you, and what your interests are. But saying “yes” too often can cloud your view and that of others.
The next time you receive an offer or an invite, take a step back and ask yourself honestly whether it interests you. If the answer is “no”, maybe you should decline.
By saying “yes”, you could inadvertently give the impression that you love ballet, say, or are a fervent supporter of amateur dramatics or your friend’s child’s experimental art project. What’s more, by attending these events you could find yourself mixing with perceived “like-minded” individuals and send yourself into a vicious cycle of similar events.
Too much people-pleasing and you might even begin to lose sight of who you are.
Honesty is a much better policy. You’ll be able to focus on finding common ground with your current friends and make some new ones that share your other interests. This space can also help to avoid the threat of resentment that can build up over time, especially if your go-to “yes” isn’t matched when you send out your own invites.
As with any relationship, compromise is key. Begin with an “I’d rather not” and try to offer an alternative. If this fails, you have your solid “no” as a fallback position.
Remember too that if the friendship is worth persevering with then you might have to pick your battles. Compromise needs to work both ways.
Healthy selfishness means prioritising your own happiness and emotional wellbeing
Being selfish isn’t about saying “no” or missing out on the things you want to do.
It’s about balancing your needs with those of others and knowing when it’s time to take a step back and recharge. Maintaining relationships – especially one-sided ones – requires a lot of time and energy, so it’s ok to back out now and again.
Understand your own boundaries and respect them. This is known as “healthy selfishness” and it’s a perfectly valid approach to take to your social (and wider) life.
Remember that it’s ok to:
- Need some alone time
- Take a rest from socialising
- Back away from unhealthy relationships.
If you need some time to yourself you don’t need to ask permission. Just learn to say no and be happy with your decision. There’s nothing to feel worried or embarrassed about so relax and enjoy your new-found healthy selfishness.
Get in touch
If you want to discuss being selfish with your money, or how your wealth could improve your emotional wellbeing, please email hello@globeifa.co.uk or call us on 020 8891 0711 now.
